Coming Home: Men and Emotions

I recall this hilarious but insightful comedic series called Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy: 

“It takes a big man to cry, it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.” I still laugh about this when I read it. It’s also a signal that at that time, men weren’t supposed to show emotion. It’s definitely outdated now. 

Being a tough guy meant you kept a stiff upper lip and kept all your emotions bottled up inside. Well, most emotions except anger. Or maybe that was my take growing up. Unfortunately Asian immigrant families reflect this. They are pretty cold culturally. The rage is real though. 

What I’ve learned is that bottling up your emotions, especially negative ones, only causes them to come out in very unexpected and disruptive ways later. I would even say explosively. You can never hide from it, you just postpone it. Sometimes for years or decades in my case. 

I’ve been able to transmute much of this into my career, business and fitness. These activities take the edge off it. But learning to let it out is pretty critical. 

I remember when I was moving to Taiwan in January of 1997. It was after a lovely Christmas at home with my parents. I was 23 years old. My father took me to the airport and while at the airport I literally cried my eyes out. Very publicly. Also very uncharacteristically I would say. 

But looking back at that moment, I think I sensed that I would never be the same. Things would never be the same and there was no coming home. I was moving away and saying goodbye to my childhood, my friends and most importantly my family. 

I would gain new eyes and experiences and I wasn’t sure where it would lead me. It was part fear of the unknown and excitement for a new future. It was also grief. I needed to grieve for my old self and old life to open up space for the new one. 

What an adventure it has been since then. I transited through Tokyo Narita where I spent a whole night at the bar hanging out with my dear friend Michiko. Catching up and talking about life. It was such a fun night. And then my flight and the entry into my amazing life in Taiwan that next day. I vividly remember these moments in my life. Sadness and pain usually and eventually leads to personal growth & joy. 

So my point is don’t be afraid of your emotions. Don’t suppress them. They are signals. Examine them. Embrace them and don’t be afraid of expressing them. Emotions are a tool and guide to a better life and decisions. Learn to use it.