‘Past Lives’: What Could Have Been
There was a recent movie that came out about how two close childhood friends Hae Sung & Na Young aka Nora in Seoul, are reunited after 20+ years in North America. Nora’s family emigrated to Canada when she was young and ended up in New York City as a young adult, while the boy Hae Sung grew up in Korea.
They end up reconnecting on Facebook 8 years later as adults, corresponding virtually for years. They end up fighting and get disconnected. But after another 12 years they finally reconnect and then arrange a meeting in New York. Now as true adults.
The wrinkle this time is Nora is now married to a nice American man, yet she still has deep feelings for Hae Sung. And the conundrum she faces as Hae represents her first love and past. But the joy and tenderness when they meet again at that park is remarkable. It’s a really beautiful scene.
It’s a reminder of the weird twists and turns in our lives. The random meetings with people that turn into lifelong friendships or romantic relationships. Or the ones that you missed.
I still remember this beautiful Australian girl I met on the train to Krakow in 1996. We were supposed to meet up at the end of the train ride after I got upgraded to first class. Little did we know that 2nd class train cabins would be disconnected and arrive hours later. Never did meet her again.
Or the gorgeous Ukrainian American girl I met in New York, who gave me her number. But I ended up losing it because my phone ran out of power. What could have been.
But then I would not have moved to Taiwan, met a girl there and ended up with a beloved and beautiful little daughter Amber. Fate.
The movie is also a reminder to me of all that is sacrificed by people who immigrate and leave everything they know in their home. Some people are running away from something. Some are running towards something. Just like my parents did when they left Taiwan. For me, I realize now clearly that I was running away. First to Asia and then to America.
Maybe this is the curse of us immigrants and immigrant kids. We belong nowhere and multiple places at the same time. Torn between two cultures or more. We get confused. We’re all still hurt or scared little children inside even as adults.
But it reminds me of a scene in the movie.
When Nora’s mom is asked by Hae Sung’s mom, why leave all this behind when immigrating. She responds: “If you leave something behind, you gain something too.”
I’ve lost a lot. But for that price I’ve gained a lot too. I’ve crafted a life for myself through it all. One that I’ve dreamed about when I was a child. And as Sinatra said “I did it my way”, since the story does take place in New York.
There is a scene during his visit when Hae Sung tells Nora: “it’s a good thing that you emigrated. Korea is too small of a country for you. It’s not enough to satisfy your ambition.” I feel the same way about Canada.
But as in the end of the movie as the two childhood friends say goodbye, there is a feeling of acceptance of who they are now. The lives they have now. And they finally have some closure of the past & what could have been. I feel like after many decades I finally have that now too.