The Brothers Sun: A Look into Taiwanese Family life, Gangsters and Startups
I’m really glad to see more Asian American movies and tv shows. The “Brothers Sun” on Netflix is one of them. It’s about the Sun family, one half of the family, father and eldest brother living the gangster & assassin life in Taiwan and mother and youngest son, living the quiet middle class suburban life in LA. Michelle Yeoh stars as mom and there are many upcoming Asian-American actors like Justin Chien, Sam Song Li, Highdee Kuan, Alice Hewkin & Madison Hu. It’s a good mix of martial arts action and comedy. I do recommend it and believe it's a hit among Asian American circles. Cool Asian Americans are on the rise! :) The soundtrack was excellent and overall it was so much fun.
It was also insightful. The show captures the strange dynamic of Taiwanese families, especially immigrants to North America. How important ‘face’ is. The shame culture, the open direct criticism, the lack of emotion and love, the use of food and hospitality to show the actual love that exists. The asking without asking. The passive aggressiveness. And how tough moms are on their kids, especially the eldest ones. Plus the impossibly high expectations that come along with it. As said in the show: “The oldest always gets the most respect and the least love.” They are also good at pitting siblings against each other to drive improvement in performance. It works.
Chinese/Taiwanese culture can be strange to westerners and not a little bit cold or harsh. Which maybe explains how messed up I am and how warped my relationships are at home. There is a scene when the mother says to the eldest son: “I know you have sacrificed. So much of yourself. We do it because we have to. We do it so our family can survive.”
These are environments that end up with driven, ambitious, extremely unbalanced, hard, emotionally stunted individuals pushed forward by shame and anger. Probably a good diagnosis for myself and many other Asian-American/Canadians whether they admit it or not. The elder brother said something that kind of hit me and probably describes a big part of my twenties and thirties at least until I became a dad: “....if you want to survive in this life, all you can ever feel is anger or nothing at all.” I admit it’s extreme anger for me, simmering deep inside, all the time.
But the good thing about Chinese/Taiwanese culture is there is tradition and a code. The gangster assassin brother said: “Because in my line of work, traditions and respect are important. We’re surrounded by murderers and thieves. Without a code of conduct, there’s chaos. Chaos is bad for business.” Well said.
Anyways…..like everything, I also draw lessons for startup life and life in general. There is a scene in episode 1 when the youngest son’s best friend gives him some advice: “If you want to be a man and not a little boy, you’ve gotta be willing to make bad choices now and then.”
So many people are worried about making the wrong decision that they over analyze and go into analysis paralysis or just sit on it. Unfortunately it becomes, no decision and thus no action. This may not be fatal unless you are in a life threatening situation like an accident or war. But in early stage startups you have to be willing to make hard decisions without much data or with imperfect information.
If you want to make progress ironically you have to be willing to make mistakes and go in the wrong direction. This is what Chris Dixon calls the “Idea Maze.” Exploring the different and possible ways to the exit. Sometimes it’s by stumbling around. This is what throws off many people coming into the startup world and especially if you have only worked at a big company.
Of course, you need to be somewhat thoughtful especially for the BIG and potentially existential decisions but it’s very rare these come up. This is when you need to slow down a bit to come to a better decision.
But for all the other ones, there is no perfect decision. Actually it’s a whole series of decisions and consequent actions. No surprise the best companies have a quick tempo of decision making. And if they make the wrong decision, they are not shy about fixing it fast and recalibrating because it’s about survival. The more decisions and faster you go, the closer you get to the market truth. And to get there, to say it again you have to “be willing to make a bad choice and then.”
Or it’s like Improv, if you watch the series you will understand: “It’s like anything can happen at any moment. No roadmap or fixed endings. It’s….it’s just choices. I like the idea of something totally new created by very talented people who are risking everything to make this world a happier place. I also like that there’s a potential for total and life-altering humiliation.” Seems exactly like startups!