Beauty Comes from Pain: My Life in Silicon Valley

I have been a long time fan and follower of the science fiction world of Warhammer 40k since i was a child. It’s a dark future world of never ending war that features the beleaguered Imperium of Man. One of the most interesting  protagonists are the Blood Angel Space Marine Chapters. Great defenders and exemplars of humanity. Yes, I know, it’s totally random and nerdy. But many of the stories are a work of art. You can learn from stories. One of the Blood Angels talks about his existence. 

“They tell me you have some art. So imagine, every time you pick up a quill, you find yourself in the presence of the greatest writer who ever lived. A creator so peerless and immaculate that anything you produce, by contrast, must appear to you shabby and unworthy. And everytime you try to emulate that art, to mimic it, you must always fall short, because only one soul in all creation can possibly be so perfect…..

You are trapped, pursuing your objective, knowing you must fail, and every time, no matter what you do, the evidence of your shortcomings will be right in front of you. But you venerate the artistry, all the same. More than that–you love it. And thus you are torn. Shame, because you can never ascend the pinnacle. Adoration, because you see it for what it is. A kind of unreality. (Source: Sanguinis: The Great Angel by Chris Wraight)

It’s an incredible passage and describes exactly how I feel being in Silicon Valley. Surrounded by incredibly brilliant investors and startup operators. They provide a model and ideal for you. Yet, while continually striving, working and learning, you are always falling short of the ideal around. Torn. You feel like a complete loser all the time. This is my life.

While in any other place in the world I’d be considered on top of my game, here I’m not even rating myself tenth best. So the game goes on and I continue to work my ass off, struggle and push myself toward these probably unrealistic ideas and goals. 

But no pain, no gain. Or as the Blood Angels remark more beautifully: “Transfiguration only comes through suffering.” Transfiguration is defined as: a complete change of form or appearance into a more beautiful or spiritual state.

If you are going to suffer and pursue something in life, let it be for something great and beautiful.