Everyone Has Problems: Why You Should be Kind to Everyone
I have a staple of movies that I can always go to that bring me great joy. Movies that I never get tired of watching when I am on long flights: Top Gun, Top Gun Maverick, Fast & Furious: Tokyo Drift, Crazy Stupid Love or The Great Gatsby, The Godfather 1 & 2. All classics.
Another one of these movies is “Notting Hill” starring Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant. A romantic comedy about an unlikely pair, a bumbling everyday guy, English book seller Will Thacker meets America’s favorite leading lady Anna Scott. It’s such a great & entertaining movie.
There is this excellent scene when the actress is brought over to meet the bookseller's friends at his sister's birthday dinner. After dinner, in a conversation, each of them detail why they have the worst life in a typical British ironic way of communicating. The person with the worst problems would win the last brownie. (You have to watch it to really get it).
One friend is a failure at work, the sister is unlucky in love, the bookseller is barely getting by, followed by another friend who is now a paraplegic and cannot have a baby due to the accident.
They are surprised when Anna, the actress, wants to join in and make an attempt. Especially as she is beautiful, successful, rich and famous and living a glamorous life. She talks about her painful surgery, how she has been on diet for 10 years, how her last few relationships have been terrible and when she is heartbroken, it’s spread all over the media like it’s entertainment.
She finishes with a telling comment. “One day not long from now, my looks will go, they will discover I can’t act, and I will become some sad middle aged woman who looks like someone famous for a while.” It’s a powerful scene, at least to me.
The table goes silent because it’s so surprising. They, like the audience, realize that even those who seem like they have everything and are secretly envious of, actually also have vexing problems in their lives.
I think this is the reality. As I’ve climbed through my career, and gotten to know people across all walks of life: corporate execs, social media influencers, high flying investors, business people, super successful people in general. They are humans, they have problems that absolutely consume them. I can tell you so many stories of people who seem to have it all but whose health or family problems you would not wish on your worst enemies.
I find it funny when I talk to many young smart people who ask for advice. They tell me, “I want to be you when I am older.” I am always honored. But I am also always shocked & surprised everytime I hear this. I feel like a fraud and imposter.
Do I tell them the price I paid for some mild & perceived financial/ career success?
To quote Al Pacino’s character in another classic movie ‘Heat’: “My life, No, my life is a disaster zone.”
Away from my aging parents. I also missed key moments in my kid’s life that I can never get back. I am estranged from my family and daughter, especially my daughter who has good reason to be angry with me. I’ve worked with some pretty awful human beings. I’ve become isolated most times from my friends and community because of a business life that requires much international travel. All stemming from choices I made and have to live with. There is no one to blame for this except for myself.
The great irony is that at a time when my business, career and finances were at something of a high point, my personal life was an awful mess. The exact reverse of my life prior to 2020. Life can feel cruel.
Yet, I love most aspects of my life. I feel blessed most of the time to have the career I have. But I am haunted. Haunted with regret & guilt sometimes. And this pain and sadness can be crippling sometimes when I have time to sit down and think.
So I try to keep active, meditate, go to Church, workout/train. I remain focussed on my mission and do what I can to repair the things I can.
And most importantly, I try to be patient, generous and helpful as possible to everyone I meet.
The big lesson is that you never know what personal hell someone is going through in their life. So try to be kind.