Shortcomings: What you Hate Shows You Who You Are

I found an interesting new Asian-American romantic comedy, Shortcomings, which was based on a popular graphic novel. It was pretty damn funny as it acts as critique and observation of American and Asian-American culture that takes place in Northern California. It was also a bit dark and maybe hit too close to home but I saw it at the right time in my life. 

I really disliked the main character Ben, who is this snarky, negative, arrogant, elitist & judgemental Asian-American guy who just pisses on everything and everyone. He is a snob and thinks he is better than everyone. Yet he is just a low level manager at a local movie theater. He cannot be happy for his loved ones and can only see the bad side of things. 

There is this insightful comment when his long term girlfriend breaks up with him: 

“you want to know what is f—ing embarrassing, trying to hold on to something just because you are pathologically afraid of change. That’s what you do and it felt like death to me. I also think you have problems with anger, depression, your weird self-hatred issues and just the relentless negativity. Your resistance to grow, to change….”

Then I realized that damn it, that’s actually a pretty good description of me. All of it. All spot on. I’m so negative (thank you Canada), angry and just awful sometimes. This is what gets me into fights with my family. Every single one of them. It is also probably why I hate doing anything with Asian-American culture (god, I detest that obnoxious Gold House and that group of people. A bunch of arrogant hosers). 

But what I did enjoy was how Asian culture has become more mainstream. Showed a shift in the culture that reflects. An Asian American guy with a white girl on screen, which I have never seen until the last 3 years. Talking about the Korean wave hitting as well. But it’s also how people try to find themselves now and who can start to identify with people on screen. In the popular culture that doesn’t fit old stereotypes. When to be yourself and when to pretend to fit in. But also how people self-sabotage. 

There is this scene when Ben’s new girlfriend breaks up with him and he is of course a total dick, she says to him: “I know you are going to want to blame society, or my sexuality or on your race or whatever. But one day you are going to understand that this really is just about you.”

So many of us don’t take responsibility for our failures. Or recognize our own flaws. The sooner you do that, the sooner you can fix it. But we usually do that only after we hit rock bottom. Sometimes you have to hear the hard painful truth from someone you love (or used to love you). Guess there is a big lesson there. That’s when you actually grow. 

This should also be freeing: we are truly the architect of our own fate for better or worse. Let’s make it for the better.